The secret behind Ryan Braun's drug test

scene:  Ryan Braun's appeal of his 50 game suspension for failing a drug test

Good afternoon gentlemen,  my name is Shyam Dos* and we have the case of Ryan Braun's 50 game suspension to hear today

Since these other two knuckleheads are just going to vote with their side, I'll be taking this myself

Mr. Braun you are facing a 50 game suspension from MLB for failing a drug test.

You had the highest level of testosterone ever recorded by MLB

I'm quite manly

That outfit suggests otherwise

I have my own clothing line

Back to the subject, state your case for appeal

I have the herp

Excuse me??

It's what they call a "social disease" you get it from being "social" with a "disease"

I know what it is....believe me. And I'm sorry, seriously.

But what does that have to do with your appeal

I think the Doc at the free clinic gave me something tainted

That is the most ridiculous story ever....what free clinic exactly....it's for a friend

This is ridiculous, can we finish this already

Quiet Manfred we already know your vote, I need every bit of information to make my decision

Hurry up

Do you have anything else to add Ryan??

Nah, let's wrap this up I got a dinner reservation for 1 at the strip club

classy

I come alone but I don't leave alone**

fine, bring on our last testifier Dino Laurenzi Jr

Who??

That's the dude that took my pee

Uh, yeah. Have a seat Dino.

***
What is this To Catch a Predator?? haha, love that show

That's fascinating. You took Mr. Braun's urine sample and immediately took it to FedEx right

I drove past, they looked closed

They looked closed?? So what did you do with the sample??

I thought about dropping it in the mailbox but decided against that, they might think it's junk mail so I just stuck it in my fridge until Monday

So it spent close to 2 days in your fridge?? What else is in your fridge that might have contaminated the sample??

Nothing really. Some expired meat....a syringe full of testosterone.

Yeah I probably shouldn't have put it next to that

Well that settles it, appeal is granted and no suspension will be served

sweet

Oh this is bull s&#t, I'm out of here

later...thanks Mr. Das

Mr. Das....who's Mr. Das??

What??

*pulls off mask* Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Very sneaky Bud, but what about the pee guy

*pulls off mask* Bahahahahaha!!!!

OMG you guys are classic

You don't really have the herp do you??

I don't think so....but the night is young let's go celebrate!!!!






*probably not an accurate picture but I imagine he looks something like this
**arrive might have been more appropriate there
***actual picture, hope he doesn't read this

Well Hello Again

Welcome to the new digs.  It still has that new blog smell, please don't ruin it just yet.  Please put all of your blog-warming presents over there in the corner.  If you have come sans gift well your first visit will be what we call here "unpleasant" and you will also not be allowed to partake in the fine spread of cookies and punch I have prepared (from scratch).

Ok of course I'm kidding the only spread I've prepared is a bag of Doritos and a box of wine.  Ok, ok, still not entirely true, there are a few Schlitz's in the fridge as well.

Anyway for those of you that followed my in depth baseball coverage extensive Brewers news generally competent writing train wreck of nonsense and stat geek posts last year at Brewers in 11 I welcome you to more of the same without the pressure of posting in a set year (fight the power, occupy 2012, or something).

I'll be back with something relevant funny else soon.

Here's a picture of my arch-nemesis to get this party started:

Enjoy being a Royal again, bahahahahaha

Happy 2012 everyone!!


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